Hitlerarios!

Once upon a time, there were no teenagers. And I don’t mean that in some weird literal interpretation of the bible sort of way. Before school was federally instituted and all those uncool child labor laws firmed up, there was no phase that allowed one to be no longer a child but not quite an adult.

Now that we have this transitional phase in the lifespan, it’s expanding. We call it “adolescence” and current studies are suggesting it’s not uncommon for it’s characteristics (I almost said qualities!) to persist into the early twenties.

My point isn’t about some of you needing to grow the fuck up—it’s about the undeniable social influence on pretty much all of our basic conditions and institutions. Homosexuality used to be listed among the diagnosable disorders in the DSMV. Not really because psychologist are evil (you can’t have a therapist without the-rapist!) but because there was a social demand for a reason for gay people to be documentably different.

Bare that in mind for what I’m about to propose, which is essentially creating our own mental disorder; the logic is a tad circular—but fun, so keep reading!

I have a friend who enjoys arguing. Not because he has firm beliefs in anything, but because he really likes to argue. In fact, I would dare say his arguing for argument’s sake is a dominant guiding force in his life. I suspect he served his 6+ years in the military (freaking stop loss! ) just so he could add the phrase, “Oh yeah? Well I was in the military, buddy!” to his arguments, as needed.

I’ve been this guy’s friend since about 8th grade, so I can share in the amusement, but I have noticed one of his tactics basically involves saying whatever he needs to frustrate and anger his opponent, be it man, woman, child, and wait then for them to say something stupid or illogical for him to rip into.

I’ve named this the “That sounds like something Hitler would have agreed with,” method of arguing, or the TSLSHWHAW Method. You can also use “…Hitler would say” if you’re not feeling chatty.

That’s what got my evil brain thinking—what if we ALL start making the comment, “That sounds like something Hitler would agree with” to people? I’m convinced we could start a whole new phobia!

Given the increasing level of paranoia and anxiety disorders, people are just waiting to be told what they’re scared of! Fuck terrorism, global warming and poverty fueled crime, that shit is trendy! How about the possibility you’re a Hitler!

Maybe the first time one get’s told their statement smacks of something Hitler would concur with, they can brush it off, but how about the second time? And a third? We all know people who can’t help but take passing comments to heart—and I’m just not talking about girlfriends and other estrogen rich species, so just imagine the impact seemingly random people casually comparing them to what many consider to be the anti-christ could be! It’s not just hilarious—it’s hitlerarious.

Soon enough, people with fists full of wadded up tissues will be shamefully whispering to their councilors, “I’m worried I’m a Hitler…” By 2012 I really think we could have a solid pressence and listed in the DSMV. I just want all future theses and drug treatments to remember—this is the BASTARD’S disorder, and should be named and cited accordingly.

So say it! “That sounds like something Hitler would agree with!” And often.