Bastardly Comparison

Cutting off your hair is a lot like dumping a girl none of your friends really liked. Instead of hearing about never liking that bitch anyway I am hearing I look better with short hair. Sometimes with a "wow" beforehand.

But whatever. It's just hair and I was sick of mine. I'm not sure how long it was but it was enough to donate to locks of love. Knowing me, at some point, it will be grown out again. Or not. Maybe I'll finish going bald and it will be a moot point.

Sometimes life will answer your questions for you.

Love and marriage

Mrs Bastard: I'm sorry you have to put up with all my shit.
The Bastard Himself: Me too, it sucks.

When did this start?!

I'm as shocked as anyone.

I mean, my god, when did Manny Ramirez turn into a douche bag?!

Oh wait, his whole career! I don't really care about steroids. The official hammer dropping came at a most convenient time--after rampant performance enhancing usage drew everyone's attention to a fastly failing national past time. A lot of people in baseball did The Steroids but not a lot of players put up the kind of numbers the stars get scrutinized for putting up. Not that I feel bad for them either.

I guess I'm kind of old school, I like it when someone gets hit by a pitch and the next inning so does the other team. I like it when players who treat the game with class. Getting traded to the Dodgers because of mouthing off about your team after refusing to play because of made up soreness is crappy.

I hear he was a funny dude to have around though. So, I'm not saying I wouldn't have a drink with Manny Ramirez, I'm sure I would (have your people call mine, Moro!). I'm sure he's a fucking hoot to have at the summer bbq and he if he's not good at video games now, I suspect in the coming months Mr. Ramirez is going to get quite good at Call of Duty.

No.

YOU have mood swings!!!

Say it isn't so!

Oh no!

No, no, no!

First a tsunami and now THIS. What a world we live in.

What are we really asking here?

I think when people want to chime in on a question like, "Should Two and a Half Men' Dump Charlie Sheen at the Emmys" what we are really asking is it okay to be a douche bag to a douche bag?

I ask that as someone who doesn't watch either the sitcom or the award show, but since I will hear about both until I find a cave to live in, I feel like it's okay to chime in.

There were two circular holes in the roof, which is consistent with a missile strike

From this point forward, whenever I see a hole--particularly of the circular sort, I am going to assume missiles were involved.

Read it here.

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter New Jersey

I got a ticket for running a stop sign the other day. Never mind I can't afford a ticket right now, someone has to be out there with a rule book and enforcing petty laws--that was a two a two second stop, sir. It should be three. No, I don't have a stopwatch to show you.

But, the king can do no wrong. At least no one stole my gun for three years or threw me in a New Jersey jail. You gotta live for the little things.

War is Hell. Drug Wars? Welcome to Mexico!

You just don't get to read quotes like this often enough:

"It was the largest single group of decapitation victims in recent years."

I wonder if there is some sort of contest going on between the various sects of the cartel and if there might be a friendly bet of some kind involved. Someone is buying someone a pizza dinner is all I'm saying.

And if you read the article HERE, you'll see that 14 of the 15 bodies were decapitated, which makes me wonder about the dude who got to keep his head. Was he nicer when it was going down? Did he notice and compliment someone's new snakeskin boots just in time?

"Tiger Kills Busdriver"

That's the headline that got me to click the link to THIS story.

I'm disappointed. I expected to see a picture of Tiger Woods and a bloody golf club.