Sleepers

We call you people who have no problem sleeping through the night, who can fall asleep again if you wake up midway to morning, who can seemingly nap on command, Sleepers. We have insomnia. We don’t always sleep.

I’ve had it since I was a young boy. I recall waking up in the dark and climbing down the bunk bed ladder to fetch books and toys to play with in the dark. If I flipped the light on, one of the parentals was bound to come in and yell at me to go back to bed, as if it were an option.

Laying down, I’d play and play until there was enough light to justify getting ready for kindergarten.

I’m 29-years old. Now I have options. I wake up and I’ll go sit in front of the computer and write something. I leave the T.V. on so I can roll over and watch whatever I wake up to—usually I’m half way through an adult swim anime. I keep a gameboy advance under my pillow. Sometimes I can play a game that is repiticious enough that playing it is just hypnotic enough I’ll nod off. That, or it’s something else that will entertain me for the hour I’m up before I can go back to sleep.

Lately, no matter the day of the week, I wake up at 6:30 am. My eyes slide open and any final tendrils of any dreams are gone from me. I’m just awake. There’s no groggy transitional period in which I require time for the caffeine to take to my blood, or that I grumpily insist I’m still in the process of waking up.

I’m just awake.

If the T.V. is still on, I’ll watch cartoons. I say “if” because Mrs. Bastard is annoyed by what I admit is a bad habit, enough so she’ll hop up and turn off the T.V.. But, she’s a Sleeper, so at no point should you stop feeling bad for me and start feeling bad for her. Beyond the general fact she’s married to me I mean..

If it’s an annoying cartoon—like any monster collecting show that ends in “—emon,” then I’ll get out of bed to silence the beast and start goofing off.

This entire weekend I had insomnia. For me, it included not being able to fall asleep, falling asleep and then waking up for an hour or two come 2 a.m., and the delicious frosting on the insomnia cake—waking up before 7am after everything else.

Sleep deprivation is it’s own kind of drug. If you’ve ever gone without sleep, reality is interpreted quite differently. Your mind state is altered.

Today, I’m just awake.