Heath Ledger is a Cunt (but not a Bastard)

I had to leave work early when I looked down at my msn messenger’s where the news teasers try to provoke you to click the conveniently placed link and read the news, “Heath Ledger, Dead.”

I even forgot to clock out. This morning my boss was pissed until I explained myself. I didn’t get in any trouble. In fact, we had a good, manly kind of cry together.

I went home and watched Brokeback Mountain and just fucking cried the entire movie.

Here’s three bastardly things about celebrities dying.

1. Goodbye Work Day! The second the morbid news hits my office, everyone turns on the gossip mode. Granted, I spread the word, but only to girls and gay dudes and anyone who’s first response is likely to be to the tune of, “But he was hot! Like hot-hot! I masturbate to him all the time!” Well d'uh! Who doesn't masturbate to Heath Ledger all the time? Guess what--you still can!

Everyone spends the rest of the day goofing off to the theme of whoever just bit it. It usually follows a pattern of stopping people wherever you encounter them, making sure they’ve both heard the news and can reference the proper image of the departed via a movie you’ve both seen. Next, talk about how he finished filming The Dark Knight and then quietly admit you’ve seen Brokeback Mountain*.

2. Drugs. I resent that rich people not only get the high quality drugs, but they get high quality drugs in such quantity they are able to kill themselves with them. Way to rub it in, jerks. Why not just shoot yourself with a diamond and ruby encrusted gold bullet?

My understanding of drugs is that they are fun. I also understand that there are drugs one can consume that would take near impossible amounts to ingest before you die. What ever happened to potheads?

3. It’s a Persona. I knew nothing about Mr. Ledger until yesterday. None of those little tidbits of gossip had reached my bastard's ears. Who knows what anyone famous is really like in real life. We are presented with an image of famous people that is conducive to all things that go into the tidal waves of money that follow the famous elite.

I never hear about an actor’s job being intriguing—look at all the methods they employ to get their characters across (at varying levels, you have to admit). It boils down to attraction level. Nevermind what is attractive shifts with sands.

I can honestly say it is sad to me that Mr. Ledger’s daughter has to grow up with that hole in her life. I hope she, and all kids who've lost a parent or two, has some very positive role models around her (and her piles of money—her mom’s an actress too. If you don't want to feel bad focus on the piles of money).


*I haven’t! Neither I nor my wife** like romance movies.

**Ladies, this will increase your awesome factor nicely, depending on the heterosexuality level of your man.