Busy as a Bastard

"What have you been doing all this time, Bastard?" asks no one, ever.

For employment I've been working at a boarding school for almost six years. Sometime in early June it'll be six years even. I joke about tracking down my exact hire date and then quitting the day after word. I'd call the ensuing book Six Years and a Day: My Life with Their Kids.

Catchy, no?

I've also recently gotten a second job at a bar. I am a bar-back. I have the pleasure of cooking food (using the term loosely), fetching new liquor bottles, slicing limes on the fly and of course--I wash the dishes. "Bar-back" is often "synonymous with "bar-bitch."

I stroll in around 7p. If it's busy enough--and it usually is, I walk out with the bartender and the closing bouncer. This means every Thursday night I go home knowing I have to be to work at 7a. Well, 7ish--I run the shift and my staff know what I signed up for and though it was quite willingly they cut me slack and don't say anything if they don't see me until fifteen after the hour. I've never let the shift suffer because I'm tired.

It's more than safe to say I've been collecting stories I hope to share and I have to say bouncing from one social institution to the next is quite the contrast. I don't mind going from "Don't ever say fuck!" to "Could you say 'fuck' more? You're making us fucking uncomfortable."

I'm Feeling Mouthy

I'd say buckle up but if you're reading this in a situation that allows for buckling up, well, I hope you've already mentioned me to your friends.

Soon. Soooon.

Ho ho ho!

Does anyone have a Santa suit I  could borrow?

Just so we're upfront--I'm going to walk around scowling at children, shaking my head at them and then jotting something down in a notebook before I storm off.

GENIUS!

My son got a whistle in a party bag. It's two-cents worth of loud, shrill and piercing plastic.
   On an eighty-mile drive I only made it a couple of miles before I told him to stop with the whistle.
   Today after about fifteen minutes of hooting I asked him if he thought he was tough. He is eight. Of course he is a tough guy.
   "Oh yeah? I bet you a dollar you can't even break that whistle in half."
   "Really? A dollar?"
   "Yup."

Smartest dollar I ever spent. 

Once Upon A Trip to Mars

'Merica.


That's NASA hard at work (see what I did there?) with their Mars rovers. Read all about it here.

I for one would like to think it was intentional.