I may have been born out of wedlock

But from where I'm sitting you are all just a bunch of illegitimate bastards.

Death in the family

Once upon a birthday I got a DC collectors set of glasses. Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman and Green Lantern. Great for sensible amounts of juice, milk and honey whiskey.
   The other night Batman took a fatal roll off the counter. I tried to save him but he bounced off my outstretched foot--meant to cushion the poor glass,  but alas, he shattered upon the linoleum.
   Today, as I did the dishes and washed the surviving three glasses, I glared at Green Lantern, and like a parent quietly seething at their least favorite child skipping through the room, full of life while their favorite kid lies cold and dead in the ground, I whispered, "I wish it had been you."

Soundgarden's Superunknown got stuck in my car's cd player for a year until after thousands of attempts, it just suddenly popped out on it's own with no one doing anything. I still listen to it.

Bastardly Comparison

Cutting off your hair is a lot like dumping a girl none of your friends really liked. Instead of hearing about never liking that bitch anyway I am hearing I look better with short hair. Sometimes with a "wow" beforehand.

But whatever. It's just hair and I was sick of mine. I'm not sure how long it was but it was enough to donate to locks of love. Knowing me, at some point, it will be grown out again. Or not. Maybe I'll finish going bald and it will be a moot point.

Sometimes life will answer your questions for you.

Love and marriage

Mrs Bastard: I'm sorry you have to put up with all my shit.
The Bastard Himself: Me too, it sucks.