Oh The Newly Wed

My car sucks when it comes to music. I have a cassette player. Remember those? Needless to say I don’t have any cassettes around so I find myself at the mercy of the radio. Being a man of good taste, I hate pretty much all the music stations of which there isn’t much variety (welcome to Southern Utah!), which leaves National Public Radio or me and my own thoughts. So, depending on the mood of the voices (they’ve had some great story ideas) I generally listen to national public radio.

I don’t brag about it, and this acknowledgment of the fact is only that. I’ve met the people who announce how they listen to national public radio like its some sort of credential before they begin their tirades’—that’s not me. This isn’t a tirade. I have no creditable credentials.

But oh the buzz over the state of California using it’s laws to treat gay couples like equal citizens rather than the second class citizens they are! Meaning, they’re going to let them join into the semi-holy union of marriage. New York wants to be hip too, so they’re playing some fast catch up, so you can expect to hear more about that in the news.

I say the union is semi-holy because for some reason the institution of marriage is pulled taught in a tug of war between church and state even though I think I read somewhere that’s not supposed to happen.

Really, to the government, being married is a tax status that identifies you and another person as an individual unit—it some senses. This is a fucking blog people, do we really need to go over the super fine points?

Generally, the religious interpretation of the union is that you promise your god you love this person standing next to you and you’re going to do your damnedest be nice no matter what life throws at you. Your god being the busy deity she/he is, sends a representative to oversee and acknowledge the union and collect the necessary fee.

Poof! You’re married. Sex is magically ok and you get a new piece of jewelry. Insurance benefits may apply.

I wonder what all the fuss is about? Is marriage really that cool? Maggie Gallagher and Linda J. Waite wrote an entire book about it, called The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially.

According to the authors, I’m not entirely correct in my quick and unromantic description of marriage. They say, “"Getting married doesn't merely certify a preexisting love relationship. Marriage actually changes people's goals and behavior in ways that are profoundly and powerfully life enhancing."”

They go on to say the easiest realms of life to see benefits in are within the subjects of health, wealth and self reported sexual fulfillment (think quality over quantity all you “same box of cereal the rest of your life” people).

They also say married people live longer than non married people. Especially for the men who are more likely to act in ways that seriously endanger their lives, we call them road trips, bar nights, and room mates. They’re also less likely to tell some things to anyone but their wives (so less stays bottled up).

The authors compared married people with cohabitating people to see if the results could be the consequences of living with someone. They claim there’s a difference between the two because there are different expectations and effects that govern the hard to see driving force of the relationship.

Apparently, if one starts to look at marriage academically it has a lot of listed benefits backed up by all sorts of studies. The general consensus is that at the very least married folk appear happier, live longer, have better sex and tend to be better off financially.

Which makes me think, if it’s so good for people, how could a government—who’s main purpose is to look out for a people, actively deny such a benefit from anyone?

Maybe they’re afraid o what’s next on the social calendar for second class citizens--minorities attending college? Are women going to want to vote? Are people going to want to join any religion they want?

I’m telling you guys, it’s just getting harder and harder to be a white dude.