Monday, July 17, 2017
Parental Bastards
Being a parent doesn't mean you have to stop walking around naked. You just have to get used to people screaming in horror just because you entered the room.
Sunday, July 2, 2017
Sunday Bastards
"Oooh yeah," I said to my peeing dog as I stood in my boxer-briefs after six or so cars drove by and some of that awkward sort of eye contact was exchanged, "Church."
Monday, May 1, 2017
Childish Bastards
I live across the street from an elementary school. I don't have central air so that means the windows are often open and there is no question if it is a school day. There are kids playing, always.
Sitting in our bedroom, Mrs. Bastard and I looked up at the same time as the shrill screaming went on long enough to capture our already-tuning-you-out attention.
"There's always that kid who thinks screaming is fun," I said.
"Ugh, I think I was that kid." She admitted.
"Good think we didn't meet in elementary school."
She agreed. It wouldn't have worked.
Sitting in our bedroom, Mrs. Bastard and I looked up at the same time as the shrill screaming went on long enough to capture our already-tuning-you-out attention.
"There's always that kid who thinks screaming is fun," I said.
"Ugh, I think I was that kid." She admitted.
"Good think we didn't meet in elementary school."
She agreed. It wouldn't have worked.
Monday, April 24, 2017
Serious Bastards
An actual exchange I had at work while manning the facebook chat with a random nerd. This is the first time he contacted us:
Random person: Do you guys buy Magic the Gathering cards?
Me: We do. Bring your cards in and we fill out a form. We have a guy who prices them (who is not me), he usually get back to you within a day or two with an offer for store credit or cash.
Random Person: What do you think my collection is worth?
Me: You would have to bring them in to get that answered by our guy who knows Magic cards.
Random Person: Could I just tell you what I have?
Me: You could, but again, I am not familiar with Magic cards. You're going to have to bring them in. Have a good day.
-
Here's the thing about some of the people who play Magic--they do not care in the least that I don't play. They are still going to tell me about their cards and why they are awesome in the combination they have arranged.
If someone asks, "Do you play Magic?" that means I am about to hear about deck arrangements no matter what I say.
"God, no! Can't stand the game. The people who play it are even worse."
"Yeah? Well, my red-blue deck is defense heavy but if I can get this one artifact out and in play..."
Random person: Do you guys buy Magic the Gathering cards?
Me: We do. Bring your cards in and we fill out a form. We have a guy who prices them (who is not me), he usually get back to you within a day or two with an offer for store credit or cash.
Random Person: What do you think my collection is worth?
Me: You would have to bring them in to get that answered by our guy who knows Magic cards.
Random Person: Could I just tell you what I have?
Me: You could, but again, I am not familiar with Magic cards. You're going to have to bring them in. Have a good day.
-
Here's the thing about some of the people who play Magic--they do not care in the least that I don't play. They are still going to tell me about their cards and why they are awesome in the combination they have arranged.
If someone asks, "Do you play Magic?" that means I am about to hear about deck arrangements no matter what I say.
"God, no! Can't stand the game. The people who play it are even worse."
"Yeah? Well, my red-blue deck is defense heavy but if I can get this one artifact out and in play..."
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Bastard of a Mood
I know I am a certain kind of a mood when I am annoyed I can't take my dog to work with me. It's not the kind of mood where I tell myself, "Go ahead! Speak your mind! Good things will come from your honesty."
Maybe the guy who get's a call from his wife won't come in today. Every time he comes in he drools over the cards behind the glass, his wife calls and the its:
"I'm at the bowling alley!" (there's only one in town and it is notorious for it's shoddy cellular service. If you ask if what the WiFi password is, the answer is "Ha!"
"I told you I have to stop at the bank first!" (the store is right next to the bank).
"I've hit every red light. I'm like three minutes away." I suspect he lives fairly close.
He always pays cash. When I offer a receipt he laughs and says to burn the evidence. He tries to joke about his wife being a ball buster. Today is not the day to point out he has something to do with that.
A lot of dysfunction walks through the door--we're open to the public after all but on days when I'm already low on energy it takes a lot more out of me to bare witness to it all let alone help them with their purchases.
Here is your $12 Magic card. A game meant to be fun and not to foster resentment between people. And it's no problem, I'll burn the receipt.
Maybe the guy who get's a call from his wife won't come in today. Every time he comes in he drools over the cards behind the glass, his wife calls and the its:
"I'm at the bowling alley!" (there's only one in town and it is notorious for it's shoddy cellular service. If you ask if what the WiFi password is, the answer is "Ha!"
"I told you I have to stop at the bank first!" (the store is right next to the bank).
"I've hit every red light. I'm like three minutes away." I suspect he lives fairly close.
He always pays cash. When I offer a receipt he laughs and says to burn the evidence. He tries to joke about his wife being a ball buster. Today is not the day to point out he has something to do with that.
A lot of dysfunction walks through the door--we're open to the public after all but on days when I'm already low on energy it takes a lot more out of me to bare witness to it all let alone help them with their purchases.
Here is your $12 Magic card. A game meant to be fun and not to foster resentment between people. And it's no problem, I'll burn the receipt.
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Foolish Bastards
Last year my April Fool's joke was not bad. I posted on facebook, "Guess who's going to be a grandpa?"
I thought it was hilarious. But then again everyone in my family called my high school daughter for any and all confirmations.
I think I'll give it at least another year to see what she thinks. Hindsight is 20/20 and part of the clarity is seeing the hilarity you missed that first go round because you had to tell both of your grandmas (and a couple of aunts, uncles and nosy cousins) three times you weren't knocked up as well as swear many oaths attesting to the fact.
I thought it was hilarious. But then again everyone in my family called my high school daughter for any and all confirmations.
I think I'll give it at least another year to see what she thinks. Hindsight is 20/20 and part of the clarity is seeing the hilarity you missed that first go round because you had to tell both of your grandmas (and a couple of aunts, uncles and nosy cousins) three times you weren't knocked up as well as swear many oaths attesting to the fact.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Such is the Bastard Himself!
Hey look at all these posts!
And all in one month no less.
I'd be lying if I said I knew what I was doing with this blog. My current goal is not to overthink it. Just write stuff and post it.
Weeee!
And all in one month no less.
I'd be lying if I said I knew what I was doing with this blog. My current goal is not to overthink it. Just write stuff and post it.
Weeee!
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Busy Busy
I had a plan for St. Patrick's day to write up some expectations for the evening working at the bar--one of two in the little town I dwell. I like that bars exist but I've never really hung out in one previous to working at one.
I don't go into work until 7pm. I had lots of time before work and I was playing catch with my son in the back yard, pondering the evening. The backyard has flagstone which has extremely sharp edges so when my son went down on one knee it was no wonder it split it open. From across the yard I knew it would be stitches.
"Eww! Gross!" My 12-year old half-bastard said when he looked at his knee. I ruffled his hair and told him we were going to see the doctor. The gash was severe enough it required five deep stitches before ten normal stitches.
The admitting nurse and the doctor had different opinions about the wound. The nurse asked us if we we had a knee brace at home. He was peering into the separated knee-flesh with a worried look. "Like one that doesn't let your knee bend?" He looked up to make sure he had my wife and I's attention. "Movement is going to be an issue."
So when the doc came in all smiley and happy I was thinking of ways to keep a 12 year old boy from bending his knee. I would definitely have to hid his skateboard The doctor sewed him up while I envisioned the stitches popping at the seems. Ambulance rides. Emergency knee saving surgery.
When the doctor was finished he told my son to move leg. "Go ahead. Bend it."
My son tentatively lifted his leg. There was fear scared.
"Come on! Your skin is rubbery. You're not going to pop anything." He pushed my kid's foot up to demonstrate and get the show on the road.
"You're going to want to move it around. Jog some but maybe hold off on full speed running."
"So no brace required?" I asked.
"What? No, no, no. You're going to want to limit any activity where falling is a real possibility, keep the wound as clean and as dry as possible but let it breathe." He pointed at the boy. "Take quick showers too."
The doctor left and the same nurse came in to bandage and wrap up my son's knee. "No brace required." I said.
"That's good." He said. "You're lucky."
I knew myself well enough to leave it at that. I was irritated past the point of saying something constructive to the point of waiting for the doctor to be the doctor and if he wanted to flap his nurse mouth he needed to seek more schooling. Working with teenagers I saw plenty of stitch-requiring wounds and it didn't phase me. It was just something to take care of. Seeing my son's blood coming from a deep, fatty-tissue exposing cut was different. It was more charged.
Later I was able to tell myself the nurse was probably doing his best he could. His intention was most likely to help. He had no way of knowing what my brain would do with the information, inaccurate at it may have been.
The experience did help me with the shit-crazy night at the bar where I was no allowed to drink--even though I am Irish. I was able to remind myself how not punching the dude in the face was the right choice then and it was probably the right choice with Drunky McDrunk.
I don't go into work until 7pm. I had lots of time before work and I was playing catch with my son in the back yard, pondering the evening. The backyard has flagstone which has extremely sharp edges so when my son went down on one knee it was no wonder it split it open. From across the yard I knew it would be stitches.
"Eww! Gross!" My 12-year old half-bastard said when he looked at his knee. I ruffled his hair and told him we were going to see the doctor. The gash was severe enough it required five deep stitches before ten normal stitches.
The admitting nurse and the doctor had different opinions about the wound. The nurse asked us if we we had a knee brace at home. He was peering into the separated knee-flesh with a worried look. "Like one that doesn't let your knee bend?" He looked up to make sure he had my wife and I's attention. "Movement is going to be an issue."
So when the doc came in all smiley and happy I was thinking of ways to keep a 12 year old boy from bending his knee. I would definitely have to hid his skateboard The doctor sewed him up while I envisioned the stitches popping at the seems. Ambulance rides. Emergency knee saving surgery.
When the doctor was finished he told my son to move leg. "Go ahead. Bend it."
My son tentatively lifted his leg. There was fear scared.
"Come on! Your skin is rubbery. You're not going to pop anything." He pushed my kid's foot up to demonstrate and get the show on the road.
"You're going to want to move it around. Jog some but maybe hold off on full speed running."
"So no brace required?" I asked.
"What? No, no, no. You're going to want to limit any activity where falling is a real possibility, keep the wound as clean and as dry as possible but let it breathe." He pointed at the boy. "Take quick showers too."
The doctor left and the same nurse came in to bandage and wrap up my son's knee. "No brace required." I said.
"That's good." He said. "You're lucky."
I knew myself well enough to leave it at that. I was irritated past the point of saying something constructive to the point of waiting for the doctor to be the doctor and if he wanted to flap his nurse mouth he needed to seek more schooling. Working with teenagers I saw plenty of stitch-requiring wounds and it didn't phase me. It was just something to take care of. Seeing my son's blood coming from a deep, fatty-tissue exposing cut was different. It was more charged.
Later I was able to tell myself the nurse was probably doing his best he could. His intention was most likely to help. He had no way of knowing what my brain would do with the information, inaccurate at it may have been.
The experience did help me with the shit-crazy night at the bar where I was no allowed to drink--even though I am Irish. I was able to remind myself how not punching the dude in the face was the right choice then and it was probably the right choice with Drunky McDrunk.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Helpful Bastard
I use Avast Antivirus software. It's free and seems to be effective. I had a little pop-up window this morning asking if I'd take a survey.
Why not?
I clicked it and a message thanked me for participating and instructed me to click continue to continue.
QUESTION ONE:
Do you connect to public WIFI (like in coffee shops and such?)
Yes [ ]
No [ ]
My computer is a very old laptop that I use to write on. I don't write in public or really take my laptop out of the house.
I clicked "No."
THANK YOU FOR TAKING OUR SURVEY! Avast Appreciates your time.
Don't mention it Avast. Glad I could contribute to the data.
Why not?
I clicked it and a message thanked me for participating and instructed me to click continue to continue.
QUESTION ONE:
Do you connect to public WIFI (like in coffee shops and such?)
Yes [ ]
No [ ]
My computer is a very old laptop that I use to write on. I don't write in public or really take my laptop out of the house.
I clicked "No."
THANK YOU FOR TAKING OUR SURVEY! Avast Appreciates your time.
Don't mention it Avast. Glad I could contribute to the data.
Monday, March 13, 2017
Scammy Bastards
I am fairly neutral to Game Stop and their business model best reflected here:
But I went there today and ended up making a purchase. I went home and decided to do the silly little survey that ask you to do on the receipt. I gave the employee all fives. All the company wants is all fives. The question that always gets me:
I showed them! I bought something else! I have to hope that they care they could have had more of my money.
 |
| (c)the internet |
But I went there today and ended up making a purchase. I went home and decided to do the silly little survey that ask you to do on the receipt. I gave the employee all fives. All the company wants is all fives. The question that always gets me:
I showed them! I bought something else! I have to hope that they care they could have had more of my money.
Saturday, March 11, 2017
My Kind of Bastard: Moon Knight
Catching Up with Moon Knight
I will let the issues of a series stack up for a couple of reasons. Sometimes I know it’s better for me so I can read it all together. Comic stories tend to have arcs that can feel conclusive; one ends as another starts…often in the same issue. This will be record of getting caught up all in one marathon session.
Marc Spector, aka Moon Knight is not a bastard born. He is an honorary bastard.
One of the reasons I like Moon Knight is that he is pretty unaffiliated. He's not an Avenger. He doesn't hang out with the X-men or the Inhumans. He does his own thing and you don't have to worry about team ups (generally). The big cross-over events that span so many books tend to skip over Moon Knight and it allows a certain kind of focus not enjoyed but other characters.
With Moon Knight's current run of which there are twelve issues published, I missed #9, which I got today. My family was running some errands and with the house to myself all I had to worry about was my dog sticking his face in my lap and licking the cover. I pulled out issues 10-12 as well as #8 and got to reading.
# 8. Re-read but a good idea. Moon Knight has three stories going on and it creates a nice sense of madness in which you’re never quite sure what’s real or going on. Issue nine is part 4 of 4.
#9 is part 4 of 4 but ends with the words “to be continued.” Some questions are answered (enough to call it part four) but I feel for the fans who had to wait a month for the next one, which might maybe possibly wrap it all up.
#10 starts off with a nice kick in the balls, so to speak. Part one of five. This is the third arc of this Moon Knight run but it’s all connected. It bodes well, though and so far I intend to see it through to the end.
#11 Death and Birth part two of five (arc 3)or is that III?))
More good writing and great artwork, a near perfect one-two combination of comic book execution. Marc’s battle for sanity, or at the least less insanity, continues in the overvoid in this chaotic but intelligible issue.
#12. There. I’m in the same boat as the rest of you. Two issues away from maybe possibly a conclusion? But, hey, it is a comic book. This issue nicely pushes the collection of the Marc and Moon Knights’ story forward with just a hint of a villain.
So there. I don't see why this run is broken into three different story arcs but what do I know? I wouldn't recommend starting this run anywhere but issue 1. There are some series you can jump into and pick up the story quickly within an issue or three. I feel like this would be hard with Moon Knight which continues to be one of my favorites.
Friday, March 10, 2017
Mar10
It's National Mario Day!
I learned all I needed too HERE.
Basically March 10th is abbreviated Mar 10, which looks like Mario. Clevah, clevah! It's not May the Fourth be with you but hey, according to that-there link,there are over 1200 "national" holidays. They can't all be home run touchdown GOOOAAAALS!
So, why not. Wear red and blue. Play some Mario. Be nice to a plumber and his lesser known brother. It's Mario Day.
I learned all I needed too HERE.
Basically March 10th is abbreviated Mar 10, which looks like Mario. Clevah, clevah! It's not May the Fourth be with you but hey, according to that-there link,there are over 1200 "national" holidays. They can't all be home run touchdown GOOOAAAALS!
So, why not. Wear red and blue. Play some Mario. Be nice to a plumber and his lesser known brother. It's Mario Day.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Nerdy Bastard
Comic Review!
Started Wednesday March 1, 2017
Bastards like comics. I don’t want to start a new blog so I’m putting these up to feel better about writing it all down.The nerd store I work in sells a variety of nerdy paraphernalia. I’m in good with the comic crowd and after talking comics with my people I am a little resentful having to wait until I get home to start in on my comics. Today I had quiet on my side.
First Thing I Read When I Got Home:
Shade the Changing Girl #6 Good read. #5 ends in a cliffhanger and this issue took right off. There is a lot of fun potential building up and drama is sure to ensue. Shade is her own worse enemy and this issue sets up what is sure to be quite the rivalry.
Bullseye #2 Ah, Bullseye, what a bastard. Just enough story to present Bullseye as the murderous jerk he is—but also provides a mission, the rescue-my-son-sort no less, and that coupled with sociopathic code make for a very entertaining read.
Extremities #1 Oh my yes please. This issue comes at the reader flexing and showing off all it’s mighty potential. I’m not a gore hound but I found the flying blood and severed torso’s and such to be more awesome than awful. Image has some more #1’s coming at us. I can’t afford for them to be awesome but I suspect that won’t stop anything.
New to The Stack (which is by no means a negative reflection):
Deadpool #28. Part one of four is all I needed to see on the cover. I have the normal cover. There is a more awesome cover out there with ‘Pool-as-Venom that I did not get. I’m sure I’ll get to my love/hate of variant covers eventually.
Nightwing #16 Normally I get to this book pretty quick. This week my copy was damaged. I get the variant cover so it was either buy the wall cover or wait. My budget is limited. I wait.
Also on The Stack:
The Walking Dead # 161 I think. It’s the quarter issue but I don’t follow the book so…
The Old Guard #1. Looks good and is only a time-budget that has delayed my reading. THANKS wife, kids, pets and friends.
Optimus Prime #4: These feel longer than the average comic book. I really enjoy the artwork so far so I also spend a little extra time staring at the pages.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Bastard Rising
I did that thing where I remember I have a blog.
2017...am I right?
I've been going over some of my article-post-things that I never completed for whatever reason and have decided to push myself a little more to post more.
I am a semi-active comic nerd and have decided to write little review-esque little blurbs on the issues. I have a couple of ideas of where I might eventually send them but in the meantime I am going to post them here.
I'll also get some of my bar stories written to completion too.
I work at a comic book store and a bar (but not as a bar tender). Before that I worked with teenagers for six years.
Such will be the tales from the bastard's mouth.
...probably.
2017...am I right?
I've been going over some of my article-post-things that I never completed for whatever reason and have decided to push myself a little more to post more.
I am a semi-active comic nerd and have decided to write little review-esque little blurbs on the issues. I have a couple of ideas of where I might eventually send them but in the meantime I am going to post them here.
I'll also get some of my bar stories written to completion too.
I work at a comic book store and a bar (but not as a bar tender). Before that I worked with teenagers for six years.
Such will be the tales from the bastard's mouth.
...probably.
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